The greatest temptations, the worst possible paths to follow, the different ways one expresses, the feelings you keep hidden. All driven by the choices we make.
I find myself reflecting on past choices of late. Lamenting the choices that have led to unsatisfactory situations I now find myself in. The choices that determine the outcomes of my life. But, not all choices are bad. It’s just we often choose only to reflect on ‘bad’ choices the most. A ‘bad’ or ‘good’ choice can only be labelled as such when considered in the context of my life when the choice was first made. This paragraph may seem contrived, but I assure you I am working my way to a point. At least I think I am.
At the beginning of my photography I chose to visit locations with the intention of making (recreating) compositions I had already seen or been influenced by. Was this a bad choice? Well, without doing this I would not have learned how to properly use my camera. I learned exposure and patience. In that respect, it was a good choice to make such images. However, would it still be a good choice for me to go back and continue to make such images now? I predict such photographs would be hollow and expressionless. Without this choice made early in my photography I would not have a measure of my own artistic progress, and we can’t ever truly find our voice if we do not progress.
Another choice I find myself reflecting on is my presence as a photographer on social media. Early in my photography I was sucked in to the maelstrom of social media. I became aware and invested in the numbers. The followers. The likes. Why? Did I need validation? Maybe. Maybe I was insecure about my photography, likely because it lacked my own voice. So I sought recognition to add something to these derivative and non-consequential images I was making, images that aped the work of others that had come before me. Images that lacked expression.
It was only when I started making photographs of externalised emotions, of a landscape I connected to creatively, rather than generic well-trodden compositions that I had started to make artistic progress. However, this progress is not measured against some external standards of what constitutes ‘good’ photography. This was progress measured against my prior choices and against how I felt about my work.
When I started to make photographs that were imbued with my own voice I was able to make a choice to stop caring about something as frivolous and unfulfilling as the metrics of social media. I escaped from the maelstrom and stopped caring about digital validation and started caring about my introspection. An exploration of my self set against the backdrop of the landscape I am always in awe of. As soon as my photography became expressive, I made progress. I chose to care about me and not others or algorithms.
This process started in 2019 and I have subsequently made choices that ensured I always stayed true to myself. I had chosen integrity.
So, why do I still choose to use social media? Well, there are a number of reasons, the main ones being friendship and community. I have made some excellent friends through photography. I want to see their photographs. I want to feel how they feel through their work, and I want to communicate with them through mine. Community in art is important to me. Not mindless liking and sharing; that is for those still trapped in their own maelstrom. Rather a community of like-minded individuals whose work inspires. Who trust each other with their inner-most feelings and delicate connections with the landscape.
Even though I continue to use social media, I have recently made the choice to step back a little. This is for a number of reasons, the main one being that I currently have nothing new to say about my current body of work. As I have now shared the collection of images I made on my trip to Scotland this summer I have no reason to continue talking about it. The images are there for all to see and can do the talking for me. After all, they all contain my voice, like a recording on a satellite, drifting through interstellar space, ready to speak to any listener.
I think this choice to step back is one I will make more often. When I have art to share, I will step forward again. Knowing when to be quiet is as important as deciding when to speak, otherwise we risk our expressions becoming noise. Homogenous and unfulfilling. A waste of time.
Rest assured, I dip in and out periodically to see if other photographers I admire have something new to engage with and experience. And I will continue talking with my friends, albeit privately. In the meanwhile I choose to use these moments between the sharing of my photography to introspect and reflect on my life. I have also started to write more, which I find enhances the mindfulness I have for my work. This enjoyment of writing was recently ignited by an article I have just made for On Landscape magazine, which will be available to read in the coming months.
I know I will not regret this choice to periodically step away from social media and focus more on the real me than the digital representation of my self. Just like I don’t regret progressing from the derivative photography in my earlier work. These choices act like milestones. Milestones I can look back at to gauge my own progress, so that I can see how far I’ve travelled.
What are we If not a culmination of all the choices we made before? It’s important to remember all those choices, good or bad. Remember the people we used to be. They helped us become who we are now.
I choose to own my choices.
